You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
