WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
