My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
