So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
