life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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