I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize