this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize