I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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