Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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