just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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