I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
