i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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