don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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