I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
