At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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