When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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