My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
