there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
