Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
