I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
