Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
