Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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