like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize