And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
