And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
