Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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