My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
