At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
