I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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