the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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