About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
