I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize