Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
