I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
