R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
