If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
