Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
