Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
