Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
