I'm really into asian looking animals
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
