ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
only you would photoshop your dick
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
