oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
