hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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