He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
