took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
