its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
