your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
