You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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