i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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