My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
