Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
