she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
