she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
