He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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