You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
