I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
