Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
