its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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