So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
