I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hippo gnu deer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
