I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come see our sink grown plant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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