you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
