Please, let me fuck your mom
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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